I'm Leaving on a Jet plane.... TOMMOROW!

I'm in the most awkward place right now.
I've been sitting in one place too long, and I just want to go out side and run. I'm so nervous that I am itching myself incessantly, and its starting to annoy me. I'm so fragile I could burst into tears any second. I'm so excited that I'm not. I'm so tired I could die right here and now.
I have like WAY too many extreme emotions happening right now... I don't know what to do with myself.
oh... PS-> I leave tommorow. LOVELY. when I think of that, I start to become more nervous and fragile than any of the other emotions. I am scared beyond belief, but I just want to get on that plane.
AH! I don't even know what to do. I think that if this were audible, there would just be this one noise that came from my mouth, and it would be totally incomprehensible.
ok. I'm going to go to bed.
Sweet dreams.
Laurel

oh and PS- your prayers will be a HUGE blessing tommorow- like you don't even know. thanks in advance.

Saying Goodbye

I had a brief convosation with a friend today that made me realize that saying goodbye is purely a matter of the heart. I know in my head that it is going to be so good for me to be in england, to be poured into for a year, to learn, to soak, and then to pour out. But my heart, it aches with the thought of leaving the people that make Saskatoon my home. The friends. the Family. the friends that are family, and the family that are friends. And in my heart, I don't want to leave, not at all.
Then my head comes in and tells me that I have to prove to myself that I can do this- that I need to grow up. But as we all know, Laurel Janet Baillie does NOT want to grow up.

Instead, I am sitting here listening to sappy love songs that should have never been written, and stare out of the window that has been in front of my dining room table for 18+ years, aka all my life. And the light that is shining on the next block over that I can only see from the right angle is beside the only place in the world that I want to be right now.
Its funny how in 5 days I will have all of the world to be and explore, and right now where I want to be is only around the corner.

I have this theory, how the places you are in aren't made up by WHAT they are, but WHO they are- who made the history, who built it, who is there with you, or who you want to be with. don't you think? I mean the Globe theater isn't so popular becasuse of the wood it is made with, but WHO it was that made the plays that were played in that theater, right? Rome wouldn't be a destination if it weren't for the roman emporers that ruled out of rome. Home wouldn't be home unless Mom and Dad were there.
So it just makes me wonder, who am I going to meet this next year that will make me miss Capernwray Hall the next year? who is going to make this year as good as people are telling me? I mean, obviously I have something to do with that, but who is it that I am going to connect with that will make this year so unforgetable?

This last week, I have cried more than I have in four years. combined, probably. Saying Goodbye is so hard. I wish I never had to.

Laurel

One Week

So today's the week mark. Am I ready? um..... yes. I think I am.
This last month has been Crazy! Now that I look at it more clearly, there has been alot of spiritual warfare that has surrounded me. I took a slight hiatus from my christian life for a while, and could not recognise these events as spiritual warfare, which perhaps aided Satan in attacking me in small things that should not be used against a christian- friendships. Far to many times I had to ask myself 'why now? why do we have to get so close just before I leave?' I guess its that draw back home.
But I cannot imagine my life this next year at home. It needs to be in England, and I see that so clearly now. And I am getting SO excited to go. I am so excited to see what God has in store for me. To learn all he has to tell me and show me. To make new friends, and prove to myself that I can actually do this.
I'm really not excited to say goodbye though. its already begun, and my heart aches with every goodbye, but I know that all the hard ones are yet to come.

I'm excited though, and thats something to be joyful about.

Love, Peace and Bacon Grease,
Laurel