I Want To Yearn For You

I have a dear friend from Capernwray that is still over in europe (Italy to be precise), that has been calling me a fair bit more than most people that are back, and it is for me to check her email for her. Believe it or not, caling me is cheeper than going to an internet cafe. Anyways, that is besides the point.
Today, when she called me, and after I had read her emails to her, she was telling me about her adventures in Luke chapter 6. And I found myself profoundly challanged. Not in what she was sharing inparticular, but in the fact that she was so whole-heartedly delighting in her everyday devotions, and learning so much from Jesus. I went to two churches yesterday, my own, as well as Circle Drive, and at circle drive one side point that the pastor made really hit me hard. A worldly christian does not yearn to be fed daily by God's word. I had to suck down my pride, as I tried so hard to convince myself that I was not worldly in that way.
But I am.
I struggle to do daily devotions. I always have. I have started to journal my heart of hearts to Jesus. And that has been so good. So many times this last two weeks I have found myself at 2 in the morning, marker in my hand, pouring my heart to Jesus, sometimes even crying out to him. But opening my bible....? that is a whole other challange.
One side comment made in a lecture one week at school, a lecturer challanged us to read a book of the bible everyday for a month. Not long After God nudged me towards 1 John. and I want to get into that so bad. so so bad. But somehow its not that hard.
And then I think about the lecture series on 're-entry' and I just think that I should know that this is going to be hard, and I should be doing it BECAUSE it is hard. But somehow that just doesn't do it for me. and that makes me so sad.
There is this song we sang during winter school

Lord I want to yearn for you
I want to burn with passion over you
and only you.
Lord I want To yearn for you.

That is my hearts cry right now.
Laurel