Random Thoughts

About four months ago we had a lecture series by our principal, Rob Whittaker, entitled 'Re-entry'. Its funny, I didn't really pay attention then, because I knew I had three months left at school, but now, I have the HUGEST desire to go back into my notes and see what we learned. Because being home is so spiritually hard. In the last week, I have opened my bible a total of.... once, and that was in church last sunday to read something from Matthew. I have done devotionals... once. I blamed that on not having a journal, so yesterday I spent a buttload on my dream Journal. NowI have no excuse. I have the time. I have everything. except the discipline. I think I'm really frustrated with myself.
But I've been home for a week now. Its starting to feel more normal. I am supposed to be here this summer. This year. I still don't know what I'm doing. I'm looking into getting my Bio 30, because I don't have a grade 12 science, which would make getting into uni alot easier. I don't even know if I want to go to uni. I think I might want to take english classes. I don't know what I would do with that, I don't know if I want to be an english teacher, but I think that english and lieterature is really interesting. I don't even know. But I have decided that when I get a summer Job, I'll work at the front desk at a hotel. Why? haha, I don't even know. but it sounds like fun.... can you imagine the stories of the guests? AH! SO AWKWARD! I love it!
I am so ready to get out into the world. I NEED FRIENDS! oh my gosh. I need to get out of this house and doing something. I am so bored. and So lonely. I don't even know where to go to make friends. oh bother!
But for now, I am seriously having fun re-educating myself in the current social trends in north america! The music!? so funny! I love it! when did Avril Lavigne go pop?! Since when was fergie a rapper, and/or cool? Did Hilary Duff grow up?! When was Saskatoon up on clothing trends?! Its fun, and amusing.... and I wish I had money to buy new clothes... yet again another reason to get a job. dang it! I hate being grown up!
Pretty much... sometimes, when I let it, life sucks, but I love it, and I love being home. I love that I can sit and talk with my mom whenever I want. I can torture Nathan. I can Hang out with Ben. I can call Ashley (when she is not working) and she can just come over. The sun shines SO MUCH here! And God is good.
yup. thats all. My mind is everywhere.

Home!

Well, I guess I've been home for a few days now. Its funny what everyone askes me. They don't ask me how it was. They don't ask if it was hard to leave. They don't ask what the best part was. They don't ask what I learned. They ask if I'm glad to be home.
Yes, I am glad to be home. But it was so so incredibly hard to leave. I just moved. I left my life in england, and all of my friends are despersed through out the world. I hoenstly don't know the next time I will see any of them. Honestly, its a bit depressing.
I've been really busy already though. I am not even hardly started to unpack. Today is the first day that I have started to do laundry, and I haven't done laundry since like... last last friday. sick, hey? but my room is a mess, clothes and books and papers EVERYWHERE!
Starting life again is hard. I kinda feel like I don't belong. I mean, this is my home, but for the last nine months everyone learned to live life without me, and now they have to adjust to that again, and I often feel like I'm just in the way.
But that all takes time too, hey? it will be normal soon enough.
Well... I'm home. thats that. if you want to see me, have coffee, tell me about your life. hear about mine. see my pictures. or just hang out, whatever, you know where to find me, and my shedule is mostly blank, so what works for you will fit in with the nothing that is my life! yay!
Its good to be home,
Laurel

Lasts

Last Fish and Chips. Last Load of Laundry. Last Family night. Last Brunch. Last trip to Carnforth. Last trip to Lancaster. Its all starting.... all the Lasts. Its honestly not real yet that I'm leaving this place for good in six days. But I am liking the concept of it. But ask me again in Three days, after I've had my last church service, my last evening lecture, my last bowl of brown stuff, my last apple crumble, my last room mate night, and I think I might feel a bit different.
There are so many things that I'm going to miss so much about Capernwray Hall, Carnforth, Lancashire, England. First and Foremost are the amazing friends I've made. I'll miss being excited on fridays, because thats laundry day. I'll miss walking around the loop in the middle of the day and late at night. I'll miss eating popcorn and watching movies on my bed on a laptop. I'm going to miss the old stone houses, and stone walls. I'm going to miss the small english towns. I'm going to miss fish and chips, and shepherd's pie. I'm going to miss having about 10 fashon consultants in the morning. I'm going to miss saying goodnight while laying in my bed and having four replies. I'm going to miss this place.
I'm going to miss learning about Jesus every day. "To Hear you say 'this one's mine', my heart is spoken for." As I was doing my lunch duity today, this worship song came on. its not one that is foreign to me, but one that we've done a few times here at capernwray. And hearing it today, while reflecting over the last nine months really hit it home what God was trying to teach me this year. My heart is his, and only his. its not mine, and it does not and will not ever belong to any boy, My heart is spoken for by Jesus and only Jesus.
Hm. But it will be so good to be home. I keep on trying to figure out what arriving at the airport at home is going to be like. But I have to remind myself that I am going to be dead tired, because I will have been up for 43 hours by the time I get home. I keep on trying to figure out what I'll want to eat when I get home, but the only thing that seems to be constant is the mad craving for Root Beer I have.... everything else changes every 30 seconds. I keep on trying to know what my life is going to look like at home, but its not working.
I'm scared to go home too. I am different. I dont' even see all the changes in me. I am still me, but I am different too. I am louder, believe it or not. I am more girly. I care less about what people think of me. I'm more confident. I am more sure of God's love for me, but somehow less sure of what I know about him. I know more about the Bible, but I feel like I know nothing. I am less sure of what I want to do with my life, but I feel like I might have more of a direction. I dont' know. I am different,and I'm scared that I will hide it, or that back home people won't like the changes.
In a week my life will be so different. and its bittersweet.
I'm going to go and enjoy the sunny day. My last saturday in England.
Laurel

Almost Home!

Hello Friends!
Wow. I'm down to less then two weeks left here in England. The Other day when I messaged my dear brother Jeremy, telling him how I am so ready to be home, he replyed with advice that you would only get from an older brother, 'don't forget that this is something you won't get to do again for a long time.' wow. That hit me, but in such a good way. And then I got a letter from one of my friends here, and she said that one of her favorite things about me was how I'm not scared of living life, no matter what people think of me.
So if you take that in your thoughts.... you will not be surprised at what I did this week! One day, three friends (Micah, Phil and Bill) and I spent about an hour trying to scale the castle walls, pretty much with no luck... I fell off a 6 foot wall, and Micah got stuck in a corner sitting on some moulding. Then we sat on the lawn and just hung out.... except in the end, Micah's Flip Flop and Bill's Shoe ended up on the roof of the Dining hall...and Surprise surprise... guess who got thrown up there to fetch them? oh. ME! It was fun though. Then Yesterday, My room mate Julie, and my neighbors Micah and Nicole and I all walked up to a forest up the road from the school, where there is a tree called the penny tree. it is called this becasue there are alot of pennys stuck into the bark of the tree. So we took up our leftover change and put it in the tree. that was so much fun.. I know it kinda sounds lame, but it was so much fun. And then we came back and I got about 20 people to play hop scotch with me! yay! I love hop scotch. ...and I got to play my harmonica yesterday too! and Heidi and I played on the tireswing out in the field. that was a blast and a half!
Today I'm headed to Liverpool with Heidi. I think we're mostly gonna have a laid back day. I'm excited to get out of this place for a while and just relax.
I have a project on philippians Due on monday, so I have to get that done sometime soon, and really catch up in my bible reading.
This last week's lecturers were not exciting at all. in fact, I fell asleep in a few, and maybe skipped a couple too. Rob Whittaker, our principle was good as usual. he is currently teaching on 1&2 Timothy, and in that the role of women in the church, as misinterpreted in the passage in 1 tim. chapter 2. Its really good, and I am very much enjoying it.... he has alot of the background and context behind the verses that he is sharing with us, as well as about 8 different interpretations of the view.
Next week we have a man we had in winter school called John Allen. he is a really quirky scotsman, and he is so knowledgable and so wise, and so funny. I am very much looking forward to him.
So these last two weeks, I am living my life, and I am trying to get the most out of every moment. I am going to miss england so much.
But I need to run now, so I don't miss the bus to liverpool!
Love,
Laurel